Sunday, October 12, 2014

A question of life

Alright, so this is yet another feather in the already adorned cap of Write Tribe. A quiet an interesting prompt I must say. So here are we trying to find answers to our own set of questions. 

While we all seek answers to our questions of our life, this I must admit is getting difficult to find a question whose answer I am supposed to give. Should I answer a cushioney question or delve into myself and dig into the deep corners of my existence to ask myself a question which would be not so easy to answer?

Well, I choose the difficult one and ask myself am I accepting defeat at the hands of times? Am I stuck in my past and not coming to terms with my present?

It has been 2 years I left my dream job in the forces and opted to stay at home to look after my kids (the younger one just six months that time). And the decision was also taken to stay with my Mr as both of us held forts of our nations at different places every time and had not got the opportunity to stay together even after 8 years of marriage that time. But although it was quiet a conscious decision, my hands trembled while I signed documents of my release from the Army that day. My heart pained when my I-Card (the most prized possession) was destroyed to ashes in front of my own eyes (this is a procedure we have to follow. I-card has to be destroyed to prevent any further misuse or security hassle). My last day in uniform, I wanted to freeze every moment of that day, but as if it was slipping from my hands like sand. When I sat on the chair, doing my last official assignment, when I rang the bell and called for my runner to place the official vehicle (assigned to the appointment, I was holding), I moving in my vehicle and the guard at the sentry post offering me a salute. The whole day was as if passing in slow motion with memories etching into my heart forever. Actually, they have been there and not even a single day passes when I don’t remember those days when I used to don the olive greens. Well, it is good to remember one’s glorious past, but is it right to try and hold on to it so tightly that there is no room left for the present to blossom? May be it is not right and am trying to change it also but I guess the speed is very slow. The pride of yesterday is making it a bit difficult to slog today for a better future. After having led a life of so much of dignity and honor, at times it gets difficult to start creating a niche all over again. I am trying to revive my writing skills. Well, I have been good with expressing myself with written words earlier also but being in the Army we get accustomed to writing in the Fuji style and I have taken more than required time to get back to my old standards. Army pays us quite decently, but after making those big bucks and a hefty salary getting credited to the account at the end of every month, it gets very painful to accept payments in peanuts even after sitting all throughout the day at times for my content writing assignments. But I guess it’s a phase and have to go through it. Afterall we don’t get everything in life as per our own wishes. I could have worked outside after quitting job in the Army and earned double the salary, but my kids would have been neglected so again a conscious decision which I have taken to work from home has to be accepted in totality by me. I have to work towards making this second profession work to regain that glory and in a different world this time. And I am sure this will happen one day and my secret shifters will come to life.

Thank you Write Tribe for giving me an opportunity to face my own fears and put my own self in a position to answer me.

This post has been written on the Day 2 of Answer A Question – Rediscovering Your Blogging Groove Day 2.


  1. All the Best & may Buddha be your guiding light !!!

  2. At times we are forced to make tough decisions, right. Everything for a better today and tomorrow. All the best! :)

  3. Hi Upma,
    Loved reading your poignant piece.
    Your love for the army expressed so beautifully.
    You took a conscious decision after considering work-life-balance.
    Follow your heart, listen to your inner voice, and bash on regardless in your new life.
    Vikram Karve
    Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve

    1. Thanks a ton Vikram Sir. Although still i am not able to blog everyday but trying to make it more frequent. Of course you are an inspiration.